Why We Said Yes


We are finally, finally in CH*NA!!!!!  I feel so excited, nervous and amazed all at once.  As we start the last leg of this long journey to adoption, I’ve been doing a lot of  thinking about when the Lord first called us to this. The summer of 2011 to May 2012 was a very hard time for me emotionally and spiritually.  The funny thing is we were financially prosperous.  We found ourselves with a great blessing of money but all I could think of was, “it’s not enough”.  I felt this sick ache.  I’d never been hungry for money before but all of a sudden I was.  I looked forward in my future and saw all the things I wanted, all the places I wanted to go, all the experiences I wanted to have.  I knew we would never have enough for all those things.  That we somehow needed much more.  I spent almost a whole year with this terrible, silent wrestling in my heart.  A desperate gnawing in my soul for how I could get more.  There was a little bit of Gollum coming out in me.  Except my “precious” wasn’t a gold ring, it was myself.  And the things I was craving and desiring were not wrong.  They were beautiful.  Beautiful, lovely things that only make life sweeter.  I stumbled because I wanted the beauty more than I wanted the beauty Maker.  It made me greatly dissatisfied and anxious.  We went to Colonial Williamsburg that May 2012.  I thought it would just be a wonderful time to enjoy history as a family… what I found was deliverance.  On Memorial Day there is no better place to be to remember and celebrate.  The magnificent Fife and Drums band marches all around the town and you can step right in with their procession.  I’ll never forget the first time we heard them!  As they came playing up the street we could not sit still, we stepped into the street and followed them…and then I noticed something.  My boys immediately straightened their backs and became serious and determined.  They were really marching, not just pretending.  And in my own heart…I felt my own heart start to leap…start to WAKE UP!  We marched up the street as those beautiful, stirring old battle songs rang loudly in our hearts.  And I started to cry. Tears just streamed down my face.  At that moment I caught a glimpse of what it means to march spiritually, marching with His army.  I felt my Lord and Captain waking my cold, bitter heart up!  And a battle cry swelled in my whole soul.  The battle cry to serve Him with passion and determination.  Gladly laying down my life, no matter what the cost.  To lay down even the most beautiful, harmless desires if they were not desired for His glory but my own.  I just started saying, “Yes, Lord…Yes, Lord…Jesus You have ALL of me!”  Over and over again.  He woke my heart back up that day and renewed in me the JOY of my salvation!  It is an Ebenezer in my life.  A marker of God’s help.  A memorial moment in my own life when He intervened to pull me out of the darkness where the selfish, human desires of my own heart would leave me.

Williamsburg Fife and Drum Band Video 

When we came home I randomly read an adoptive mom’s blog that gripped me. Adoption had always been an idea in the back of our minds but at that point it was not something we had even discussed or thought about in a long time.  She did a blog entitled “If not us then who?  http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/02/if-not-usthen-who.html  I watched the horrifying video of the way orphans were treated in one orphanage which represents many around the world. It was heartbreaking and I could not shake the thought of the life some children are forced to live in this world.  A few days later I watched a video with Katie Davis, a young woman in Uganda who runs a ministry in a very poor community and has adopted over 10 girls.  She was 21 years when she started adopting the abandoned children the Lord would bring into her life.

Katie Davis YouTube Video Link

Katie said that when she looked at what to do with her life she found it in God’s word.  He tells us to treat our neighbor as we treat ourselves.  If we don’t want to be hungry and abandoned why should we look on that plight in another’s life and not help them.  I heard her words and I wanted to serve the Lord like this.  I watched the video of those kids and thought what if I really lived the way I say I BELIEVE.   I started trying to think of what was different about my self and this girl and so many others who serve the Lord with this great passion and love.  Why did I watch videos like this and hear these words and yet go on about my business, not changing anything about the way I live my Christian life.  I thought maybe they have a special calling and I don’t.  Maybe they are naturally just more equipped to serve God and people in such a selfless manner.  I started really praying about it and the Lord spoke to my heart.  He told me there is nothing different or more special about this girl.  She probably is a naturally kind hearted  person no doubt but the reason she serves the Lord with such effectiveness is she was just simply willing to say “YES”!!  Willing to say yes. This was another Ebenezer moment for me.  A marker of God’s imprint in my heart.  I started thinking back to the other Ebenezer moments in my life.  When I was a young teenager, the Lord led me one night to the book of Isaiah in the Bible. I still have the old Bible I used then and these were the verses I underlined,

“Behold, you will call a nation you do not know, And a nation which knows you not will run to you, because of the Lord your God, even the Holy One of Israel; for He has glorified you.” Is. 55:5

“For you will go out with joy, and be led forth with peace; the mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” Is. 55:12.

He opened up my world view with those words and gave me a heart for people all over the world.

As a freshman in college, I was in a place where I felt a little bit lost in this new adult world.  But the Lord was Faithful!  I was on a trip with my college choir and one afternoon I stood on the beach by myself and just gazed out on the ocean.  All of a sudden I felt such a sense of His presence.  His Great and Holy presence.  He spoke to my heart again that day, so clearly.  He whispered, “Look out across this ocean, as far as you can see.  As great and wide as this ocean is, I will take you to places even farther…farther than you can even imagine if you will just come with Me”.  I knew He wasn’t just talking geographically, but spiritually, about my life in Him.  I wept that day with joy that HE would speak to me!  An Ebenezer, an imprint, a marker.  But I had to be willing, to say “YES”, to go with Him!  I went back to practice and drew out this very simple little picture.  A reminder I’ve held onto always.


Rob has similar moments in his life.  Moments when God changed his direction and led him further in following Him. So that is why we said “Yes” in this season to adoption and following Him even deeper in His purposes in our lives.  We said yes to saying “yes” together when we married on that beautiful, rainy, amazing November 4th day 13 years ago.  This is one more time of stepping out on the water like Peter, with nothing to hold us up but Him.  It’s probably the scariest time and the deepest we’ve ever gone, the deepest water we have ever tried to walk on but Hallelujah!!!  It is the prayer of my deepest heart that nothing will stand in the way of my saying yes to Him when He calls.  Because I know one thing, we will never regret it.  We will never regret acting in obedience.  We will never regret the financial sacrifice.  The trip we didn’t get to take, the item we didn’t get to buy, the nights we stayed up into the wee hours to get it all done.  The space in our home given over.  The space in our hearts pushed to bursting to let more children in who require all we have to give.  We will never regret it.  I pray we keep saying “yes” to our King!

This has become our song for this adventure!  These are words really express what is in our hearts right now.

Oceans by Hillsong United Video

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

3 thoughts on “Why We Said Yes

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